Panto is ‘open for business’ says director
In a novel bid to raise funds for St
Stephen’s Church, the Revd Alan Franks has invited local businesses to sponsor Sleeping Beauty, this year’s Ambridge
pantomime. ‘Eddie Grundy gave me the idea, as he insisted on mentioning Grange
Farm turkeys in his comic monologue,’ the director says. ‘So I thought, why not
get this on a proper commercial footing?’
The Revd Franks says that so far sponsors
include The Stables (pantomime horse); Bridge Farm Tea Room (custard pie fight)
and Spiritual Home (the spell-casting scene).
But not all cast members are in favour of
the scheme, which has required some changes to the script. ‘No one can be
expected to break off in the middle of kidnapping Princess Aurora and say “For
all your crime and justice needs, just call Borsetshire C.I.D.” It ruins the
mood,’ said a disgruntled Ruritanian courtier.
‘Alan Franks is behaving more like Alan
Sugar and at this rate it will be the bishop who says “You’re Fired”.’
Royal couple slammed for wedding date clash
An Ambridge resident has accused Prince
Harry and Meghan Markle of ‘gross insensitivity’ by timing their wedding to
clash with an important local event.
‘I couldn’t believe it when I read they are
getting married on May 19th,’ said Mrs Susan Carter of Ambridge
View. ‘Everyone knows that May 22nd is my Neil’s birthday and our
Emma and Ed’s wedding anniversary. I was planning a big party for the Saturday
before, as Neil has a council meeting on the day itself. It was a chance for
Ambridge to get together and try a full range of Bridge Farm kefir-inspired
snacks and smoothies. And now it will be ruined because everyone will be
staying in watching telly.’
Mrs Carter says she is going to write to
Kensington Palace and ask them to change the wedding date. ‘After all, they can
get married any old time,’ she said. ‘But you can’t mess around with the kefir
fermenting cycle. No wonder they say the Royals are out of touch.’
Ambridge set for festive rock-fest
Christmas Karaoke Night at The Bull is
shaping up to be one of the best ever, claims mine host Kenton Archer. ‘Lots of
people were eager to put their names down, and having seen the line-up I’d say
we’re going to be doing a brisk trade in our festive light-up antlers with
built-in earplugs,’ he said. Already down to perform are:
• Papa
Don’t Preach (I’m keeping my baby): Pip Archer with Toby Fairbrother on
reluctantly-backing vocals
• What’s
It All About? Alfie (who he? Ed)
• I
put a spell on you: Lynda Snell, proving once and for all that Nightshade
in Sleeping Beauty IS a witch and not
just, as Alan so disappointingly put it, a fairy gone bad
• Oh
baby, give me one more chance (and a honeymoon in India so I needn’t spend
Christmas playing Hunt The Gin at Home Farm): Lilian Bellamy
• Relight
My Fire: Alistair and Shula Hebden Lloyd (but perhaps not in the ice hotel,
Shula, the insurance won’t cover it)
• Little
Saint Nic: everyone, wearily, tired of telling her how well she did
directing the Nativity play.
• Thank
you for being a friend: The Ambridge Rat Pack (Eddie, Joe, Rex, Ed and
Johnny – for one night only, before bickering breaks out again in the New Year)
• Mary’s
Boy Child (or Anne’s, or Fiona’s, or Julie’s, and a girl is absolutely fine as
well): Adam and Ian Craig-Macy.
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Brilliant as usual, if only you were one of the script writers. You might give poor Ben some words to say, he must be so lonely in his bedroom.
ReplyDeleteLove the small ads Christine. Xxxx
ReplyDeleteVery clever, spot on - particularly the karaoke!
ReplyDelete