Food producers ready festive launches

It will be the ‘battle of the bottles’ this festive season in Ambridge as three local artisan producers aim to woo customers with their Christmas offerings.

At Grange Farm, the Grundy family claim they have hit on a winning combination with their offer of a free bottle of cider, made with heritage ‘Tumble Tussock’ apples, with each turkey. ‘We’re also throwing in a copy of our Emma’s Parish Council election manifesto,’ said Eddie Grundy .’Give people summat to talk about round the Christmas dinner table.’

 At Hollowtree, Toby Fairbrother says that Scruff Gin, the brand he started last year, is taking off after a patchy start. ‘Things are so busy with Christmas orders, I’ve barely got time to check out Tinder,’ he says.

At Bridge Farm, Tom Archer will be testing the market for kefir, his fermented yogurt drink, with a soft launch for Christmas.

‘I did suggest having a kefir luge at the Hunt Ball, but for some reason they preferred vodka,’ said Mr Archer. ‘I’ve also had to limit  the range of flavours, as the staff were getting a little too enthusiastic and not focusing on Bridge Farm core products. So Susan Carter’s suggestion of chilli-flavoured kefir is on the back burner for now.’

News in brief

• Female members of the Ambridge Cricket Club will have their own changing facilities next year thanks to a generous donation from Mrs Christine Barford. ‘We are very grateful to Christine for her support,’ said captain Harrison Burns. ‘She has promised that if she starts baking now, she will have enough rock cakes to build a pavilion in time for the first match of the season.’

• In a break with tradition, this year’s South Borsetshire Hunt Ball will be dancing to the music of two young DJs instead of the Tommy Croker Band. MC Fred E. P. and Durban grooveslinger ‘Don’t call me Nolly’ Madikane will be mixing kwaito, zouk, reggaeton and Afro house with some Naija pop, soukous, mbalax and old-skool R & B. ‘It sounds like great fun,’ says Shula Hebden Lloyd, who is organising this year’s event, ‘although I wasn’t quite sure whether they were reading me the playlist or the canapés menu. But after few trips to the vodka luge I’m sure hunt members will get into the swing.’

• Robert Snell’s Parish Council election bid got off to a faltering start this week when he mixed up Poppy Grundy, four, and Keira Grundy, six, while on the campaign trail. ‘Poppy is a sturdy child, it’s true,’ said Emma Grundy, Mr Snell’s rival. ‘But the fact Robert confused her plain features with my little princess Keira just shows how out of touch he is with issues that really matter to people in this village and that’s what I’m going to change in this village it’s not just about whether your face fits and who you know in this village..’ (that’s enough election news. Ed).     

Your week in the stars

Our resident astrologer Janet Planet reveals what fate has in store for readers:

Aquarius

Aquarians in the hospitality industry will be flat out as temperamental Sicilian colleagues leave you in the lurch. But with typical Aquarian ingenuity, you probably have a solution up your sleeve – or in Bulgaria, anyway. Play your cards right and things at home and at work could be looking up by Christmas!

Pisces

Ouch! Amorous Pisceans will find themselves regretting acting on impulse. Exes, even feckless ones who owe you money, have feelings too and trying to snog their face off is likely to lead to embarrassment, especially if you still look like the Elephant Man.

Leo

Bromance is on the cards for professional Leos as an unlikely encounter with a wise builder makes you feel better about your problems. When you’ve killed one horse, missed a pressure sore in another and conducted  500 bovine TB tests with your wife wittering on about vodka luges, a few chuckles over laminate flooring disasters will soon put your troubles in perspective.   

Scorpio

Scorpios who are in the dog-house, romance-wise, find help from an unexpected quarter. Advice from your fiancé’s former partner on how to handle a tiff raises your hackles at first, but soon has you back in the master bedroom. But beware of exes playing Cupid – they may make you look stupid in the end!