The Ambridge Observer - it's all about The Archers

Judges ‘overwhelmed’ by village show workload

The Ambridge Flower & Produce Show has revealed a radical new format this year to manage the bumper number of entries in all categories.

Instead of holding the Show in the Village Hall and a marquee on the green, judges will be visiting entrants’ kitchens, gardens and allotments.

‘It’s gone crazy,’ said Rose Mill-Dew of Borsetshire Horticultural Society. ‘People are entering every single flower and vegetable in their gardens, so rather than hire expensive fork-lift trucks and pallets to bring their produce to the Village Hall, we’re going to pull on our wellies and visit all the hopefuls in situ.’

This year, cooks will be given bigger entry forms to reflect a trend towards multi-ingredient entries. ‘In the old days, you could win with a cheese and onion quiche or lemon drizzle cake,’ said a show veteran. ‘But now, unless you’ve got an aubergine, leek, courgette, feta, quinoa and turmeric tart with parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme, simon and garfunkel, you might as well not bother.’

And Ian Craig of Grey Gables, head judge of the culinary category, says his team will be supplied with a Thermos of Gaviscon to help them cope with tasting several hundred savoury bakes.

‘It’s going to be a challenge,’ he said. ‘For example, in the pie category alone, Clarrie Grundy has entered a beef pie, pork pie, harvest pie, rabbit pie, ferret pie, American pie, humble pie, homity pie, fidgety pie, grumpy pie and pie in the sky. And don’t even get me started on the sausage rolls…’

The full list of Flower & Produce Show entries can be found on pages 92, 93, 94, 95, 96…….

Cricket season ends with tea room blast

Ambridge’s last match of the season nearly produced a campaign-saving win against Darrington, but Harrison Burns's team eventually lost by three runs to give their arch-rivals the bragging rights. The result was the latest in a string of lack-lustre performances that leaves the former League champions languishing in the lower regions of Borsetshire Division Four.

In a break with tradition, the club held its end-of-season party at the Ambridge Tea Room rather than The Bull, but thanks to a free bar and a barbecue, spirits were high.

‘It’s been a disappointing year, with a few of our key players out of action for long spells,’ said captain Burns in his speech. ‘But the prospects for next season are brighter, now that we’ve got Johnny Phillips established as our unpredictable fast bowler and Alistair Lloyd back on top form – his half-century today proves all that running training is paying off.

‘We might have won if Hannah hadn’t stopped their opener before he even scored, but perhaps we shouldn’t blame her as she’s only a girl – I mean, she’s only been in the squad for a few weeks,’ he added.

Burns was praised for leading the Ambridge side through a difficult couple of years, which at one point saw him accused of trying to engineer a secret merger with Darrington.

‘We’ve put all that behind us,’ said Alistair Lloyd. ‘The Darrington lot may call us Spice Girls, but they’re just wannabes. Do you see what I did there? Cheers!’

Ask Auntie Satya

With her warm wit and forensic legal skills, Auntie Satya is here to sort out all your practical and emotional issues!

Dear Auntie Satya,

I felt sorry for my aunt, whose children have just left home, so I offered to go and stay with her with my new baby, to keep her company. But she turned me down flat. Am I being unreasonable to feel offended? Pip.

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In your longer letter, you tell me that on your brief visit to your aunt, your baby sneezed over her cashmere sweater and threw up on her silk velvet sofa cushion. As you also confide that your daughter is not yet ‘sleeping through’, you may understand why your aunt prefers solitude for the time being.

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