Berrow Farm to become bloodstock operation?
Rumours that Damara
Capital’s Justin Elliott has turned his attention away from dairy farming and
towards the bloodstock market surfaced this week, as the cows were shipped out
and Berrow Farm took delivery of two thoroughbred stallions.
Mr Elliott confirmed
that he intends to keep more horses in Borsetshire, and is considering
expanding his interests in owning and breeding racehorses.
‘There’s nothing I
like better than a good ride, but sadly my wife Miranda is more interested in
haute couture,’ he said.
‘Fortunately I have
found a willing partner in Mrs Lilian Bellamy, a fine horsewoman who is full of
wisdom and spirit. (surely, spirits? Ed).
‘When Lilian and I
drew breath after our gallop, and I took one look at those steaming flanks and
heaving chest, I knew it. I had to have that beautiful creature. Abdul Aziz,
the horse, of course. What did you think I meant?’
Mrs Bellamy said she
looked forward to collaborating closely with Mr Elliott on his equine and other
business interests.
‘I knew Justin would
be impressed by the size of my property portfolio,’ she said. 'But d’you know darling, I always thought of myself as just a run-of-the-mill old landlord,
letting out crappy properties for huge rents. No! Justin says business people
like me are the glue that sticks rural communities together. Fancy that! And I
do, darling, if you know what I mean…. ‘
Titchener tightens his grip
Evidence of a family
split at Bridge Farm emerged this week, as the Ambridge Observer found itself embroiled in an ugly row over the
stocking policy in its shop and tearoom.
Our distribution
manager, Will Shiftmore, had agreed with Tom Archer to supply both the shop and
the café with extra copies, to boost the new ‘Sunday Brunch’ promotion
(featuring Joe Grundy’s legendary black pudding recipe).
But Rob Titchener
cancelled the order, claiming that Bridge Farm should stock only organic
products, including newspapers.
Mr Archer argued that
the Ambridge Observer deserved its
place in the shop as a local, high-quality product. ‘It may not be organic as
such, but there’s a definite farmyard
whiff about it, and I believe the staff are kept in high-welfare
conditions,’ he said. (Well, sort of. Ed).
But Mrs Pat Archer
took her son-in-law’s side. ‘Tom has to let Rob make the decisions; Tom is only
a family member, whereas he is an expert in everything. More mung bean stew
anyone?’
Mr Titchener said he
was ‘gratified’ by Mrs Archer’s support.
‘If Helen weren’t at
home with a bad headache she’d agree with me, and if she didn’t agree with me,
she’d soon have a bad headache,’ he said.
Brookfield opens its doors to doubters
Interest in the new
spring calving regime at Brookfield has reached fever pitch, (are you sure? Ed) prompting David and
Ruth Archer to hold an Open Day to explain their plans to local farmers.
‘So many people have
asked us questions about it, and some have expressed doubts – even our son
Josh, who’s distracting himself from Aston Villa’s terrible plight by
researching what could go wrong with our scheme on the internet,’ said Mr
Archer.
‘Our neighbour Brian
Aldridge has expressed concerns about nitrates from the pastures polluting
Haydon Brook and the Am, but we think he’s just jealous. And of course, we have
to take into account lots of ‘what ifs’: what if Bert never moves back to the
bungalow? What if Jill gets tendonitis and can’t mix a Victoria sponge? What if
Toby Fairbrother runs amok with a chainsaw in the milking parlour? But we have
to confront these issues and overcome them. Our children’s future depends on
it.’
‘Our daughter Pip and
contract milker Matthew will give a presentation on their recent research trip
to a spring-calving herd in Dorset,’ added Mrs Archer. ‘Of course, they’ll have
to make it up, as they spent the whole two days in bed and never clapped eyes on
a cow. But still, you can’t live your children’s lives for them, can you?’
Hot tickets for Burns Night at The Bull
Jim Lloyd and Jazzer
McCreary are promising a fun-filled evening of ‘Caledonia vs the Classics’ as
they host Burns Night at The Bull on January 25.
‘I will be giving a
lecture on the history of whisky, including the notorious “Babylonian
controversy”, entirely in Latin,’ said Mr Lloyd.
‘And I’ll be keeping a
close eye on the haggis, making sure it’s full of offal, like it should be,’
said Mr McCreary. ‘Pat Archer tried to fob me off with a veggie version made
wi’ lentils and served wi’ pak choi and mung beans instead o’ neeps ‘n’
tatties. Rabbie Burns would be birlin’ in his grave!’
Items wanted
Shepherd’s hut on wheels. Must be in good condition, suitable for garden
and children's play, and as a powerful symbol, conveying the owner’s strong
connection with the rural environment and her nurturing role in bringing
culture to life in Ambridge for the past 30 years. No time-wasters (Grundys)
please. Apply: Lynda Snell, Ambridge Hall.
Lonely hearts
With Valentine’s Day
nearly upon us, a new column for readers who are looking for that special
someone…
Beefy butcher, recently finished a bone carving of a pennyfarthing and looking for a
new challenge, WLTM lady with an interest in charcuterie. Gloomy temperament
preferred. Call Maurice.
Thrusting poultry tycoon, rugby-playing hunk with absolutely no murky unfinished business in Brighton, seeks
attractive young female with extensive knowledge of foxes and a large family
farm. Please send photo of the farm. Call Tobes. (Hope he’s not as old as that joke. Ed).
Image-conscious chap, recently swapped his mullet for a man-bun and
feeling hot, hot hot, is looking for love! Looks, age immaterial; must find
exploding crisp packets hilarious and like cricket and real ale. Call Barry.
Lost soul, about to move to Perthshire with a broken heart, WLTM a newly married
farmer who will leave home and run away with him, but who, despite the special
moments they shared in the shrubbery, seems to prefer watching box sets with
his husband. Call Charlie. Adam, call Charlie… please… it’s not too late… (That’s enough lonely hearts. Ed)
Snorks all round Christine. Brilliant.
ReplyDeleteHahahaha .... love it!
ReplyDeleteWow!Terrific.
ReplyDeleteWow!Terrific.
ReplyDeleteGreat as usual. The lonely hearts section is hilarious
ReplyDeleteGreat as usual. The lonely hearts section is hilarious
ReplyDelete