Fete celebrates Ambridge through the ages
This year’s Ambridge fete, relocated to
Lower Loxley by kind permission of Elizabeth Pargetter, was a huge success as
villagers threw themselves into the theme of ‘Ambridge through the ages’:
• Charlie Thomas and Debbie Aldridge
delighted the crowd as Benedick and Beatrice in Much Ado about Adam, with their sparkling banter about drones,
which for some reason seemed to irritate her handsome brother.
• Brian Aldridge was a convincing King Lear, experiencing existential
angst over the Eccles cakes and despairing of his thankless children. ‘I’m not
Tony, happy to curl up with a dog-eared old tome about organic manure! If I’m
not farming, what on earth am I for?’ he asked Jenny, who often wonders the
same herself.
• Kirsty Miller’s portrayal of Miss
Havisham in Great Expectations, in a
tattered wedding dress and muttering about ‘Gareth and his welly whanging’,
frightened several villagers, including Tom Archer who was later found cowering
behind the tea tent.
• Thomas Hardy’s The Mayor of Borchester (surely
Casterbridge? Ed) was brought vividly to life by the, er Mayor of
Borchester, who declared ‘let the state fart with a bang!’ His Mayorship was
helped from the stage by Sabrina Thwaite, re-enacting the Spring Flea-Sweeping
ceremony, and local butcher Maurice Horton (the Black Death).
Hatches, matches and dispatches at Hollowtree
Toby Fairbrother’s cynical bid to wed the
Heiress of Brookfield suffered a setback this week when his intended told him
she was off to her fancy new job in Brazil, via High Wycombe. ‘But that’s
terrible! I’ll miss out on your 500 acres – erm, I mean I’ll miss you!’ he told
the gullible Pip, who fell for his offer of curry and beer in the tent,
preceded by a sweaty smooch to the sound of 250 goslings guzzling chives.
But young Josh may yet save the day for
Toby, as he’s planning to set up an Egg Empire with the Fairbrothers,
stretching all the way from quails’ eggs to ducks, chickens, turkeys, ostrich
and dinosaur (are you sure? Ed).
Quite what Ruth will think when she gets
back from settling her mum Heather into interim care in Prudhoe is anyone’s
guess. With her daughter about to fly the nest, will she be as annoyed as Jill
to find two posh cuckoos settling themselves in more permanently than ever?
Kenton Archer: An Apology
In previous editions of the Ambridge Observer we may have given the
impression that Kenton Archer is a childish, stubborn, petty chancer with a
chip on his shoulder. We have been asked to state (by Mr Archer) that in fact:
• he is a kind and generous person who is
happy to let Bert Fry plant Freda’s memorial rose at The Bull
• unlike his brother David, he has had to
struggle all his life because his mum and dad showed no faith in him
•
he and Jolene are quite happy to fight their own battles, thank you, and
don’t need crumbs from your table, Lizzie Pargetter.
• although everyone has it in for him, The
Bull will soon become a vibrant, thriving pub and restaurant, unless the
planners are in the pocket of his brother David, like everyone else in this
village.
We are happy to set the record straight and apologise for any inconvenience caused.
Debbie’s got Charlie’s number (and Adam’s)
It was a triumphant week for Debbie, whose
visit home was like a long episode of Dragons’
Den, but less shouty. First she buried the hatchet with Charlie at the
fete, with a slightly awkward exchange of business cards and a promise to
‘catch up at a trade fair sometime’.
Then she (almost) managed to rehabilitate
Kate as a decent human being, reassuring her that Phoebe would come round
eventually, and even offering to invest in her yurts-and-yoga retreat.
And in a diplomatic tour de force that
would have sorted out the Iran nuclear agreement in no time, she managed to
persuade Brian to let Adam take over all of the arable management, with a
mixture of cajoling and threats to whisk Adam off to a job in Hungary. Despite
aiming for a personal best in grumpiness, Brian gave in, on condition that he can take charge if Adam’s
hippy-dippy ideas threaten Jennifer’s standard of living.
But Debbie had a wingman in Charlie, whose
love for Adam is so deep that he can even overlook his aversion to growing
maize. ‘To hear Charlie, you’d think Adam is a gift from God,’ mused Brian,
which prompted Debbie’s gaydar to twitch. On the way back to the airport, she
gave Adam a gentle warning about not letting a casual fling ruin his
relationship with Ian. But as Adam chose to focus on avoiding dead badgers in
the road, and didn’t promise, this may be one situation that even Debbie’s
magic wand can’t fix…
Letter to the Editor
Dear Madam,
Now that the SAVE campaign is nearing
victory, may I draw readers’ attention to other matters that threaten the
quality of life in Ambridge?
I refer first to the refurbishment of the
village shop (and must declare an interest here as a committee member). The
postmistress, Susan Carter, has been on the internet again and has come up with
alarming plans for red signage, blue lighting and collapsible bread baskets.
The eye line may very well be the buy line, as she insists, but I fear that
such modern marketing concepts will not sit well with some of our older
residents, let alone Mrs Hawkins and her Bourbon creams. We are in Ambridge
madam, not the Mall of America!
Second, I am concerned by proposals by the
landlord of The Bull to build a portico at the entrance to the Ploughman’s and
fit large picture windows in the family room. The plans (on the back of an
envelope) were shown to me with assurances that the load-bearing wall in the
bar will only be ‘nibbled at’. But to my mind this is an irresponsible approach
to a listed building in a conservation area. The Bull is a haven for life’s
washed-up flotsam and jetsam, not a ‘destination restaurant’!
Jim Lloyd, Ambridge.